Hold Me, Love Me
by RosesandThorns666
Summary: AU. Castiel's life begins to look up when he finds love in Dean Winchester, but when Dean finds out what Castiel's home life is really like and realises that the boy needs desperate help. Please R&R! Rated M for language and content.
1. Chapter 1

**Summary: **AU. Castiel's life begins to look up when he finds love in Dean Winchester, but when Dean finds out what Castiel's home life is really like and realises that the boy needs desperate help. Please R&R!

**Disclaimer: **I don't own _Supernatural _or its characters.

**A/N: **Hope you enjoy this fic! Castiel's dad's a total asshole, and this fic is very romantic and very angsty. Have fun reading!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

* * *

><p><strong>Hold Me, Love Me<strong>

**Chapter One**

Castiel Novak was nineteen. He'd been seeing twenty-five year old Dean Winchester for four months, and things were going great. He was studying photography at the community college in Lawrence, Kansas, while Dean worked at a mechanic's where Castiel had taken his car and that was how the two of them had met.

As Castiel sat in his room, he thought back over the last few months and how amazing they'd been compared to the rest of his life. He'd lost his mother at a young age after she'd been suffering with a long term illness, his father had become obsessed with his religion and then the nightmare came when Castiel realised in ninth grade that he was gay. His father had dragged him into his office and whipped him with his belt before dripping holy water in his wounds. But eventually Castiel had convinced his father that he wouldn't go near another boy and had spent the next five years of his life trying to please his father by bringing home girls. But then he'd met Dean Winchester and his life had changed.

Those green eyes were so warm, so calming that Castiel got so lost in them that he never even noticed. He smiled as he thought of those eyes. That perfect nose and those beautiful lips, soft like the cotton sheets in Dean's apartment. God, he loved being in Dean's apartment. He'd only spent the night once and all they'd done was kiss and cuddle all night, but it was just so perfect that Castiel wanted more and more. Castiel's father had just gone away for the weekend and Dean was going to Castiel's to spend the weekend with him. They'd been pretty serious about this weekend being the weekend when they'd have sex for the first time.

The knock on the door made his heart skip a beat and he remembered suddenly that Dean would have to enter the house that wasn't anywhere near as clean as it should be. Castiel tried so hard to keep it clean, but he only had so much time in the day to do it, and he was so grateful he'd changed his bedding because his father had made him bleed all over the last set. He hurried down the stairs, opening the door to find Dean standing on the other side. He was so pleased to see him, he felt his heart skip a beat and Dean stepped into the house, closing the door and locking it before pulling Castiel into a passionate kiss.

"So, this is your place?" He asked, earning a shy nod from Castiel.

"I'm sorry." Castiel replied, "It's not very tidy...or clean...I don't have much time to...I...um...My father hasn't...he..."

"Cas, you're getting flustered, it's fine." Dean said softly, "It's fine, baby, don't worry about it."

He saw the worry spread like wildfire across Castiel's eyes, and in an attempt to bring the brightness of those beautiful blue eyes back, he kissed him sweetly. Castiel worried a lot, but he never went into real detail as to why, and Dean was trying to put the pieces together that he did find out from his boyfriend.

"We going upstairs?" He asked, Castiel pressing a kiss to his lips.

"I'll get us some food and drink..." He said, "What would you like?"

"Um...nothing too excessive, thanks." Dean said, wrapping his arms around Castiel from behind and pulling him closer, "Not with what I've got in mind for tonight."

The husky tone in his voice sent a shiver coursing down Castiel's spine and the teen found himself forgetting the drinks and walking Dean back towards the stairs. They got to his room, Dean taking in how dark and dismal it was. The walls were a dark shade of green, the floor a dark wood, while there was a double bed covered in dark green bedspread.

"It's not much..." Castiel said softly as Dean closed the door while he drew the curtains and turned the bedside lamps on, "Nothing like your room..."

"It's gorgeous, babe." Dean said softly, even though it was a teeny tiny lie, he didn't want to upset Castiel.

It seemed he'd put so much effort into things, and that clearly he was worried about what Dean thought of his home. He could barely afford to be at college anyway. He'd gotten a scholarship and he'd been worried about not being able to afford to pay for the car repairs. Dean had been good with him and done the job for half the price since he really, really liked the guy and wanted to get in his good books, but also because he'd been a struggling kid trying to afford repairs on his own car.

"I've tried to make the bed as comfortable as possible..." Castiel said quietly, leading Dean to it for them to sit down.

"How long's it been since you had sex with someone, Cas?" Dean asked, stroking Castiel's face and hair softly, "I know you're nervous."

"I've only had sex with girls...never a man..." Castiel whispered, "I...My father doesn't..."

"I know, I know." Dean soothed, "It's not a problem, okay? I'm gonna look after you."

"I love you..."

Castiel gasped and pulled away from Dean's touch, watching the older man edge towards him and take his hand. He'd had plenty of practice for comfort since he'd practically raised his baby brother who was also at college, but he was at Stanford. Sam was studying Law and Stanford was the best place to start. He couldn't believe that Castiel had just said that he loved him. And from the look in his eyes he'd believed it to be a mistake.

"I love you too, angel." Dean said softly, Castiel still not looking at him, "Cas? I love you too, baby."

"You aren't lying to me...?" The teen whispered, Dean shaking his head and turning Castiel's to press a kiss to his lips.

"I'd never lie to you about that, okay?" He said softly, pulling Castiel closer and kissing him again.

Castiel climbed into his lap and allowed Dean to kiss him tenderly and hold him close, the two pressing their foreheads together and breathing one another in as Dean began to unbutton Castiel's shirt.

-TBC-

* * *

><p><strong>Hope you enjoyed!<br>**

**Thanks for reading so far!**

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
><strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary: **AU. Castiel's life begins to look up when he finds love in Dean Winchester, but when Dean finds out what Castiel's home life is really like and realises that the boy needs desperate help. Please R&R!

**Disclaimer: **I don't own _Supernatural _or its characters.

**A/N: **Thanks so, so much for the support with the first chapter! Damn! I didn't expect it to be such a hit! I really, really hope you enjoy this chapter! You guys are awesome!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

* * *

><p><strong>Hold Me, Love Me<strong>

**Chapter Two**

The soft moan that left Castiel's lips sent shivers down Dean's back as he suckled on the younger man's chin.

They were in their boxers, and Castiel was fighting back an orgasm already, what with Dean's amazing sexual powers and all. Really, this man did things to him he didn't fully understand, but he didn't want to fully understand it. He was happy with the mystery in their relationship, but he felt very nervous when Dean went to pull down his boxers since this would be the first time he would been seen naked by his lover. Dean took in the look in Castiel's eyes and realised that he was terrified, so the first thing he did was stop his ministrations and try to get Castiel to look at him.

"We can stop if you're scared." Dean whispered, "I don't want to steal this from you, okay? I just want you to be happy and I want you to be fully ready and comfortable with it."

Castiel nodded and just cuddled Dean for a moment, allowing the older man to comfort him the best he could.

"I am fully ready." Castiel replied, "I just feel a little nervous."

"That's natural." Dean whispered, "I love you, Cas."

"And I love you, Dean." Castiel whispered back, "I don't want you to find my body ugly or anything like that."

"I think you're beautiful." Dean said softly, laying Castiel gently onto his back and kissing his neck tenderly while reaching for his boxers, "Can I?"

Castiel took a deep breath and lifted his hips, Dean pulling his boxers down slowly to find a beautiful, long, hard, aching erection waiting for him. He smiled and looked to Castiel who had the beginnings of tears in his eyes, which caused his smile to fade incredibly quickly. He moved further up the younger man's body and pulled his own boxers off, cupping his cheek and stroking it soothingly.

"It's okay." He said, watching Castiel turn his head away and closed his eyes, "Cas, this isn't wrong...what we're doing. Please, look at me?"

Castiel gazed back at him, unable to hold the look for very long which concerned Dean greatly.

"Cas, I won't do this if you aren't entirely happy." He whispered, "What's wrong?"

"It's...I..." The teen swallowed and covered his eyes for a moment before covering Dean's instead, "I feel...I feel so ugly, I just..."

"Cas, you aren't." Dean whispered, "Let me look, please?"

Castiel had been suffering with confidence issues for a while, and Dean knew how frightening it was the first time you had sex, or in Castiel's case, the first time you had sex with a man. The younger man removed his hand from those beautiful eyes of Dean's, and Dean began to kiss his way down the slender, toned, pale body until he reached that gorgeous erection.

"Really, Cas, you are fucking beautiful." He whispered, licking a stripe up the length before taking the head in his mouth and sucking softly.

Castiel's thighs trembled, relaxing and then trembling more with each motion of Dean's lips and tongue. The sounds escaping his lips were so raw, like he'd never experienced pleasure like this in his life. He slowly moved further and further down Castiel's length, feeling slender fingers in his hair as the younger man gripped on for dear life. The sound of disappointment that followed when Dean pulled away made him smirk a little and he kissed Castiel deeply, letting him taste himself on that sinful tongue.

"You ready?"

Castiel nodded and spread his legs, the two kissing deeply as Dean squirted some lube onto his fingers and began to work Castiel open. The younger man winced at first, and Dean allowed him to relax before continuing to open him up. A second finger was added after several minutes, and then minutes later, a third. Dean gradually moved until they were going in up to the knuckle, which brushed against Castiel's prostate several times. The teenager prepared himself for the feeling of Dean filling him, unable to stop the groan of pain that escaped his lips when Dean began to breach him slowly. He turned his head away, closing his eyes tightly and breathing deeply as Dean moved further inside him, being gentle and waiting patiently for Castiel to relax.

"Does it hurt?" Dean asked, earning a stiff nod from Castiel as he took his hand and kissed it, "It'll pass, I promise. Do you want me to move?"

Castiel could only nod.

"Do you want me to kneel up with you?" Dean asked, Castiel shaking his head.

"J-just hold me..." He whispered, "Please?"

Dean lay himself so that he was flush against Castiel's body, beginning to rock his hips in a slow, careful rhythm in order for Castiel to get used to the sensation of having his muscles stretched and to feel what it was like to be filled like this. Thankfully, after a while Castiel really relaxed and began to move himself with the older man, the groans of pain becoming pleasure filled as Dean pressed kisses to his neck and shoulders.

"Dean...D-Dean..." Castiel breathed, "Oh, fuck..."

"Does it feel good, baby?" Dean asked as he pulled Castiel up to a slight angle and continued to make love to him slowly, "I love you so fucking much..."

"I love you too." Castiel gasped, "Oh, God..."

The two pressed their foreheads together as they held each other, Castiel's body beginning to tremble in Dean's arms while his breathing became uneven and unsteady. It felt incredible, like he was alight with passion, love and pleasure all at once. Dean was filling him good and proper, and Castiel felt the massaging of his muscles begin to grow too much to bear. He was getting so close but he didn't want this moment to end. Not ever.

"D-Dean!" He cried, feeling his approaching orgasm as his muscles began to tense, "God, m'gonna come!"

"That's it, babe..." Dean breathed, "Come on, Cas!"

Finally, after many minutes of fast movements and desperate cries, both men came almost in sync, shivering and panting as they settled against the pillows and shared deep, tender kisses. Castiel lay there, barely able to believe how fucking amazing that orgasm had been. He smiled beautifully as Dean leaned in to kiss him, and as the older man pulled away from his body and rested beside him, their eyes never broke their long, loving gaze.

"You...are amazing." He breathed, "I love you so much."

"I love you too." Dean replied, "Did it feel good?"

"Really good." Castiel whispered, curling up to Dean and tracing lazy patterns on his chest, "I wish you could stay with me forever."

Dean couldn't answer. He just held Castiel tightly and kissed him, hoping and praying for a day when it would all be possible.

-TBC-

* * *

><p><strong>Hope you enjoyed!<br>**

**Thanks for reading so far!**

** xxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
><strong>


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary: **AU. Castiel's life begins to look up when he finds love in Dean Winchester, but when Dean finds out what Castiel's home life is really like and realises that the boy needs desperate help. Please R&R!

**Disclaimer: **I don't own _Supernatural _or its characters.

**A/N: **Finally! I got this chapter finished! I really hope you enjoy it! Thanks for all the support with this fic so far, you guys are awesome!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

* * *

><p><strong>Hold Me, Love Me<strong>

**Chapter Three**

If anyone said Castiel would be laying at five in the morning, in his own bed on a Saturday in the arms of his male lover he would've laughed in their face.

Yet there he was in Dean Winchester's arms. They were gently pressing their fingertips against each other's, smiling at one another as they shared a tender kiss and finally laced their fingers together. It felt wonderful to just lay there with the other person, with nothing to worry about or think about. Castiel wished his life could always be this carefree, no worries, no fears of his father ruining this moment, their lives. It was utter peace and bliss and Castiel would miss it when it left him.

"Good morning." He whispered, stroking Dean's face tenderly.

"Morning." Dean replied, "You okay?"

"Mhm..." Castiel answered gently, "You?"

"Yeah." Dean said in an almost whisper, "C'mere..."

"It's early." Castiel told him, and Dean simply laughed in response.

He found Castiel so adorable, and he rarely thought that of anybody. But the kid had this sadness about him, this need for love and affection that Dean needed to give to him. They seemed perfect together at that moment because of how they made each other feel.

"Yeah, it is." Dean said softly, pulling Castiel closer.

"You want to watch the sunrise?" Castiel asked, "It's beautiful from here."

"Not as beautiful as what my eyes are on now." Dean whispered, looking into Castiel's eyes and kissing him deeply.

With a dreamy smile, Castiel kissed Dean in return, allowing him to hold him close as those beautiful lips began to trail down his neck. He hummed softly and tipped his head back to give Dean better access, his fingers still laced with the older man's. Dean smiled, meeting Castiel's lips in a tender kiss again.

"Thank you." The teen whispered, "I love you, Dean Winchester."

"I love you too, Castiel Novak." Dean replied, whispering gently into the boy's ear, "My angel. My perfect angel."

Castiel gave Dean a slightly confused look before letting out a chuckle. Dean was so lovely sometimes that it made the teenager laugh, because it went so against that masculine, macho front that Dean so often showed. In that relationship, Castiel knew he was the more feminine of the two, and he wasn't bothered by that. He kind of liked being the girl in the relationship.

"That was corny, even for you." He said softly, "You're so gorgeous, Dean. So gorgeous."

Dean grinned and kissed the nineteen year old again, gently caressing his skin as he kissed down to the erection that waited for him. He looked up at Castiel who nodded and settled comfortably, a loud gasp escaping his lips as Dean took his length in his mouth. Castiel shivered, heart pounding and pulse racing as Dean began to suck him slowly and deeply. A curse escaped the younger man's lips, hands gliding into Dean's hair while his mind just became hazed with Dean. All Dean. Back arched, thighs trembling, head tipped back, Castiel came hard into Dean's mouth and the twenty-five year old swallowed every drop. Castiel felt weak, tired and exhausted, yet somehow managed to find the strength to stroke Dean to his own completion. Dean grinned and chuckled, settling beside Castiel and sharing a kiss with him, running his tongue inside his mouth and letting Castiel taste himself.

"You're amazing." Castiel whispered, "I ever tell you that?"

"Yeah," Dean whispered back, "Thank you. So are you, baby."

"Thank you." Castiel replied, "More sleep? It is only five-thirty..."

Dean smiled, and the pair settled back down to sleep.

* * *

><p>Dean watched Castiel study, a grin crossing the boy's features as he spun around and took a photo of Dean with his camera.<p>

"Cas..." Dean warned, the young man heading over and sitting by his lover.

"We have a project to do soon..." Castiel began, "Using models and landscapes to create mood, etcetera, and we go away for two weeks to take as many photos as possible...It's kind of like a road trip."

"Awesome." Dean smiled, taking in the look in Castiel's eyes as they held hands for a moment.

"Would you like to be my model?" The teenager asked, a little nervously, "It would give us a chance to be together...Away from here."

"The professors don't check up on you?" Dean countered.

"We have to send them at least twenty good quality pictures a day. The maximum amount is a hundred. It's a lot of work." Castiel explained, "It's about mood and perspective, so on and so forth, and we get to travel across the country for two weeks. We all take laptops, large external hard drives, the camera equipment, everything. We get designated routes and the hotels are marked on them. The whole trip is funded by the college, it's an amazing opportunity. Please will you go with me?"

"Of course." Dean said with a grin, "When is the trip?"

"The professors are going to tell us next week. It probably won't be for a couple of months." Castiel explained, "You'll get the chance to book time off work for it. And since the college doesn't contact parents without the student's permission, I can say Chuck and I are working together, and my father won't know you're coming with me."

Dean smiled and kissed his lover's lips, smiling as Castiel pulled him into a loving embrace. They held each other for so long the pair of them lost track of time, and Castiel eventually broke away to see that it was lunch time. He smiled and left his lover, who couldn't stop himself following the teen into the kitchen.

"What would you like for lunch?" Castiel asked, "I can make pizza...or pizza."

"Oh, pizza sounds great." Dean laughed, watching as his lover placed the food in the oven and set the timer, "Baby?"

"Yeah?" Castiel replied, taking in the look in Dean's eyes.

"C'mere a sec..." Dean almost whispered, taking his lover's hand and leading him to the couch.

This had been bothering him all night and he needed a truthful answer from Castiel, and he prayed his suspicions weren't going to be confirmed.

"Where did those scars come from...on your back?" Dean asked, "What happened?"

"When I was younger..." Castiel began to lie, very well compared to his other attempts at lying he'd had to make in his life, "Some kids ganged up on me in the playground near the library...and they all beat me with sticks. I got some nasty cuts and they still haven't healed properly."

"Oh, babe, that's horrible." Dean said quietly, not completely buying what Castiel had said but just going along with it for now, "I'm sorry that happened to you."

Castiel pressed a tender kiss to Dean's head as he embraced him again, hoping and praying that the older man believed his story.

-TBC-

* * *

><p><strong>Hope you enjoyed! <strong>

**Thanks for reading so far! **

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
><strong>


End file.
